take all of me:

Sebastian

Call me crazy,
Call me mad.
Call me whatever,
I don't really care
This is my paradise,
this is my voice
And if you're kind,
don't deprive me of my choice
I need to express,
so please don't make me suppress
There's always this little red cross
at the top of your screen
Do feel free to click it if you think I'm mean
Because honestly, this is me
And I am free
To do whatever I wish! :D

You were warned.. :P

CONVERSATION

EXITS

alex
alina
amanda
anqi
ben
brenda
calvin
chanping
cher
deanna
edwin
ethel
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foo hou
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yuen
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zi keng
602 04'
jipabun
MSHS hu dept
NYJC L&F
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NYJC student council

archives

Friday, July 31, 2009

My side of the story
by Hodges

A cold wind blows
I am shivering
My body aches
As my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?
In the shadow..

Hold on, don’t turn and walk away
Save me
And I cried these words
But nobody came

I’m all alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only My side of the story
Nobody cares
Nobody’s there
No one will hear
My side of the story..

Emptiness is all around me
I try to catch my breath
Barely surving
I can’t go on
I Come undone
There’s nothing left in me..

Hold on
Don’t turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words
But nobody came

I’m alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my burden to bear
But nobody cares
Nobody’s there
Nobody will hear….

As I hold out
As I fold in
I cry these words..

But nobody came
I’m all alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard..

This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only my burden to bear

But nobody cares
Nobody’s there
No one will hear..

My side of the story....

such powerful lyrics.. expressing what I feel totally.. :'(

{you are my light}

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I am going mad..

I don't know what hit me, but I am certainly a little out of my mind.

I never expected myself to have the courage to cut such a retarded hairstyle.

As more and more people ask me why I chose such a path, I actually realise that my life is more problematic than I thought. Just like what Shumin said, her heart is filled with walls and her heart is really empty instead. Just like mine.

I have such highly unstable emotions, unnecessary levels of stress.. Impulsive actions.

I have not been my old self lately, taking on a 360° change in my life.

All just so that I can feel that I'm in power, still in control...

Even to the extent of attracting attention..

It may be the inevitable fact that I fear failing that pushes me to do such stuff..

Or maybe the fear to really get to know myself inside deep down.

I'm so afraid of facing cruel reality.. that all I can do is run, acting tough and cool along the way, putting on a facade to deceive others.

When I'm really in dire need of spiritual healing..

There are two "Scars" on my head.

One represents the loneliness and emotional pain I have gone through without anyone's notice.

Another represents the stress and pressure I face daily, in school, in my "Acting", where I pretend that I'm still fine.

When I'm really not.

Hatred brings about an endless cycle of revenge and pain..

Maybe some emotions are better left unnoticed..

Maybe some things are better left unsaid..

Maybe some things were meant to be unsolved and meant to be never figured out..

After all, she's happy

{you are my light}

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It's just me against the world

I really screwed my Orals.. Was the hardest passage I've ever read.. The most nerve wrecking one as well. I leave my results to you, God.

Regardless of whatever results I get, praise be with you.

I did this facebook quiz that I was tagged by Kaishan, I thought it's quite interesting and surprisingly accurate, especially the last two points. So I decided to blog it.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun, people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Anyways, I should be doing my huge pile of homework rather than wasting precious time doing this.. =X

{you are my light}

Friday, July 17, 2009

I will not give up.. !

Today was a rather depressing day..

Kellett was pissed off.

Our class is officially the worst class in the level.. And He mentioned 5 students labelled as hopeless.

One of them being me who belongs to the

The "triple U" gang,

he said he doesn't even know what to say to us.

And is embarrassed to be our teacher..

He probably thinks I didn't even make any effort to pass his history paper..

When I've studied quite a fair bit.

Even now, his harsh words "You don't even bother to analyse the questions, making careless errors"

His words are still deeply etched in my heart.. I did try..

sigh.. I did.. ...

Anyways, Mrs Teo gave a very simple example of critical analysis during consultation which I think it's quite interesting.

"Linus, wears thick square-framed glasses,

whereas Sebastian, on the other hand, wears half frame specs.

What it may mean is, Linus seeks for security and stability and likes to have rules around his life. While Sebastian, doesn't liked to be locked-in, and enjoys a taste of danger once in a while. "

I know my part is true. I don't like pressure, stress and being tied down..

It's impossible to avoid stress but still,

I won't give up!

I believe in God, in miracles.

I WILL PROMOTE!!

{you are my light}

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Disappointed..

my MYE results are really disappointing and depressing..

E lit : U

Hist : U

Econs : U

Maths : A

General Paper: D

like wow, straight Us.. all H2 subjects somemore.. Now I'm really suspecting I'm in the wrong stream.. maybe I'm more suited for Science Stream.. =(

God, I don't want to retain.. ..

{you are my light}

Monday, July 13, 2009

I want to be free

I've been feeling so down recently. I can't seem to control my emotions and I don't understand myself anymore..

The past memories just seem to start flowing back into my mind uncontrollably,

and I feel so lousy.

I have lost my identity again, once more.

However, God spoke to me on Youth Sunday..

"To find ourselves is to lose ourselves."

I may be under spritual attacks but I will stay strong and fall no more.

I will find myself back again.

I want to be free

自由地飞

在爱中无惧怕

在爱中无伤悲

I want to be free

不再流泪

Because I believe

That heaven is here

我有天堂在我的心

I want to grow!

So that I can soar like an eagle one day,

and be truely free :D

{you are my light}

Monday, July 06, 2009

Forgiveness

It's still there.. I can't control it.. ...
help..
Forgive me..

There is not a single day where I don't think of....

{you are my light}

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Smile!! =)

Didn't blog for quite some time. I was rather busy these days.
It's been a really fun week for me.
mainly cuz of a few reasons..

no 1. Mid Years are over!
no 2. Mid Years are OVER!
no 3. MID YEARS ARE OVER!

yay! I feel much lighter after the exams and I will thank God regardless of whatever results I get.
Good or bad, I will still praise your name. :)

Today's the DSA auditions for CO.
I made two new friends out of boredom, although their skill weren't good enough for DSA.
Still, I hope they can enter CO next year, be it through academic results or other means.
It's also Deanna's birthday. And we had cake war.. what a waste of cake luh... =.=
Still, it was fun? =)
*the picture above was made by cake remains. haha *

God, I have so many voices in my head..
Tell me which is yours, please? =(

{you are my light}