I am going mad..
I don't know what hit me, but I am certainly a little out of my mind.
I never expected myself to have the courage to cut such a retarded hairstyle.
As more and more people ask me why I chose such a path, I actually realise that my life is more problematic than I thought. Just like what Shumin said, her heart is filled with walls and her heart is really empty instead. Just like mine.
I have such highly unstable emotions, unnecessary levels of stress.. Impulsive actions.
I have not been my old self lately, taking on a 360° change in my life.
All just so that I can feel that I'm in power, still in control...
Even to the extent of attracting attention..
It may be the inevitable fact that I fear failing that pushes me to do such stuff..
Or maybe the fear to really get to know myself inside deep down.
I'm so afraid of facing cruel reality.. that all I can do is run, acting tough and cool along the way, putting on a facade to deceive others.
When I'm really in dire need of spiritual healing..
There are two "Scars" on my head.
One represents the loneliness and emotional pain I have gone through without anyone's notice.
Another represents the stress and pressure I face daily, in school, in my "Acting", where I pretend that I'm still fine.
When I'm really not.
Hatred brings about an endless cycle of revenge and pain..
Maybe some emotions are better left unnoticed..
Maybe some things are better left unsaid..
Maybe some things were meant to be unsolved and meant to be never figured out..
After all, she's happy