Sebastian
Call me crazy,
Call me mad.
Call me whatever,
I don't really care
This is my paradise,
this is my voice
And if you're kind,
don't deprive me of my choice
I need to express,
so please don't make me suppress
There's always this little red cross
at the top of your screen
Do feel free to click it if you think I'm mean
Because honestly, this is me
And I am free
To do whatever I wish! :D
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archives
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
CO orientation with a massive headacheToday didn't go off with a good start I guess..
Felt like vomitting all the time, especially in the morning.. =(
I guess I need to thank Eunice for the panadols and company for lunch! =)
CWO was crap.. practically a waste of time.. I don't even know why this system exists.
I guess the school can't hire enough cleaners.. =.=
Wasted one hour of my life.. zzz
Then, it was the CO orientation organised by the J1s..
I can't believe they actually re-used the 'egg game'..
Since I was the stationmaster of that exact game last year, obviously I'd know how to not make the egg crack..
hah. =.=
Anyways,
I guess after everything, I'm just glad my condition got better compared to the morning.. =D
However,
it is increasingly difficult to hang out with CO peeps..
there are like so many couples in CO now? even Adeline Wing got herself a bf.. =X
Now, it feels really really awkward to be in the middle of couples..
where they hold hands and 'play' with one another, while I just walk alone.. wondering whether I could even hang out with them anymore.. =(
I guess not..
Sebas, Sebas..
Please! Don't succumb to peer pressure.. It's alright to be single.
It's alright to be 'special'.
Though I always hoped my wounds wouldn't reopen whenever I hang out with them..
Hoped I wouldn't feel so dismal
and not so....
what's the word?
Shit
=(
{you are my light}
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Drunk? lol 
Yeow boon's epicentre (powerful shockwave)!!!
Tau pok!!
Shiva as a dog.. =.=
I think the pics are self-explanatory.. =D
Yes, it's the sex god's birthday drinking party! Vodka ftw!! haha, It was one hell of a night, I don't even remember the last time I laughed so hard.. Smiled like I really meant it. It's been so long since I felt that I'm actually being true to myself and just simply enjoying my life. haha, more pics on fb!
Thanks GUYS!! You guys are the best! seriously damn retarded! LOL, I never fail to be happy around you crazy people.. After I left, I broke down at home after getting scolded by my father, and I asked myself why is my life so different from everyone else.. Why is it I can't please them no matter what.. Why is it that every smile of mine is just a facade..?
I really miss the old days.. really really miss them.. =(
sigh... Too many "why's"..
Too little answers.. =(
{you are my light}
Sunday, February 14, 2010
happy CNY/Vday!It was a rather okay CNY this year,
We played Mahjong, cards and guitar hero on the wii.
Managed to collect $380 hongbao money, which isn't bad already..
Considering that I only went visiting for a day this year.
Well, I guess it's not about the money,
it is really more about the family gatherings..
Although it is kinda of 'sian' to listen to the same comments every year..
"WAH, 洪韬长高了,也瘦了!"
Seriously, people.. you're comparing the current me to the 3 year old baby who has enough fats to squish a mosquito under his very neck..
I am no longer 'dong dong' okay!
No longer the fat chubby baby...! =.=
haha, but of course..
Nobody would be sick of receiving praise and getting good comments all the time! xD
Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day!
{you are my light}
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Relational Conflicts..After today's talk on love, life and sex.. I was sent into a very thoughtful mood, where I did some self-reflection and wondered..
"How is it that whenever I get into a conflict with another person, the relationship we used to share will never become the same again?"
I came to a conclusion that I actually never solved any of my relational conflicts with others around me.. I just left it dangling in the air and it remained that way forever. (with a few exceptions of course, like my family members etc.. )
Main point is,
I am too afraid to settle conflicts, to ease tensions and reach a mutual understanding. I have chosen to avoid, to run, rather than facing and confronting it.
Most of us don't like to put ourselves in the vulnerable position of telling someone that they've hurt us. Many of us are held back because that sounds too confrontational. Let's face it: many of us grew up not learning how to solve relational conflict in a mature way. However, when it is done right, the relationship is not only restored; it's deepened.
We think it's better not to confront the people who we're in conflict, and all this bitterness and resentment builds up inside us. We think it's okay to talk about others about the problem we're having with so-and-so, but we never go straight to the source. Thus, we become guilty of slander or gossip. Even if what we say is true, it's still gossip. And if it's false, it's slander. It wouldn't be fair to go around to everyone else poisoning his or her opinion of that person.
But how easy is it to say to those who have hurt us,
"I was hurt by that, can we talk about it?"
It's not easy to admit that our feelings have been hurt.
We can procrastinate, deny that we're hurt or we can withdraw, or even try to act like good friends still and pretend nothing's wrong, but those things don't heal even the smallest cracks of a broken relationship.
I realise I'm bogged down in gossip, slander and strife.. guilty of not being able to solve conflicts.. choosing the path of a coward, disillusioned by thinking that unsolved conflicts won't affect me..
Sometimes, it's the small issues, the minute cracks and the unspoken thoughts and feelings that creates these 'scars' in our life..
{you are my light}
Thursday, February 04, 2010
70 times 7..hello helloo!
Perhaps it's this inner desire of me, this part of me that I'm simply yearning to share that has made me decide to 'revive' my blog..
It's been so long since I last blogged.. mainly because I've been so caught up with block tests and school affairs. Moreover, moving into my new house has given me much unwanted trouble and annoyance, and brought about a large extent of inconvenience.
First things 1st,
The Block tests are finally over!
Hist-C
Econs-C
Maths-C
E Lit-D
GP-E
I think I actually did quite alright, considering the fact that I didn't study at all during the school holidays, and keeping in mind that I almost forgot how to use a pen! (yes, that bad.. ), I think I should give glory to God for it is in His grace that I can still keep my "Pass everything" status albeit the very long 'break' during last year of end holidays.
Though it's still Cs and Ds, I know that I can do even better! God is our provider and has promised the best for us. I still believe in miracles, even Shasila praised me for the first time! That, itself is purely a miracle.. :)
I have always wanted her praise and acknowledgement, and she has given me immense encouragement, I never thought I would see this coming for real. (A once childish dream of being praised by every teacher that taught me)
I really want to do well this year, because I only get one shot, just one.
Secondly,
The book of Matthew 18:21-22 really inspired me.
70 times 7.
Jesus said we have to forgive others 70 times 7 times, not just being satisfied with 7 times, hoping that we can get away by forgiving only once a day, in every week. Although 7 is the holy number, God's numerical figure, 7 is simply not enough. We have to keep forgiving others as many times as it takes, despite all the wrongs and sins committed.
Forgiveness is still a lesson worth learning, especially when it comes to forgiving oneself I guess.
So for tonight, admist my pensive state..
I will learn to forgive.
{you are my light}