Sunday, February 07, 2010
Relational Conflicts..
After today's talk on love, life and sex.. I was sent into a very thoughtful mood, where I did some self-reflection and wondered..
"How is it that whenever I get into a conflict with another person, the relationship we used to share will never become the same again?"
I came to a conclusion that I actually never solved any of my relational conflicts with others around me.. I just left it dangling in the air and it remained that way forever. (with a few exceptions of course, like my family members etc.. )
Main point is,
I am too afraid to settle conflicts, to ease tensions and reach a mutual understanding. I have chosen to avoid, to run, rather than facing and confronting it.
Most of us don't like to put ourselves in the vulnerable position of telling someone that they've hurt us. Many of us are held back because that sounds too confrontational. Let's face it: many of us grew up not learning how to solve relational conflict in a mature way. However, when it is done right, the relationship is not only restored; it's deepened.
We think it's better not to confront the people who we're in conflict, and all this bitterness and resentment builds up inside us. We think it's okay to talk about others about the problem we're having with so-and-so, but we never go straight to the source. Thus, we become guilty of slander or gossip. Even if what we say is true, it's still gossip. And if it's false, it's slander. It wouldn't be fair to go around to everyone else poisoning his or her opinion of that person.
But how easy is it to say to those who have hurt us,
"I was hurt by that, can we talk about it?"
It's not easy to admit that our feelings have been hurt.
We can procrastinate, deny that we're hurt or we can withdraw, or even try to act like good friends still and pretend nothing's wrong, but those things don't heal even the smallest cracks of a broken relationship.
I realise I'm bogged down in gossip, slander and strife.. guilty of not being able to solve conflicts.. choosing the path of a coward, disillusioned by thinking that unsolved conflicts won't affect me..
Sometimes, it's the small issues, the minute cracks and the unspoken thoughts and feelings that creates these 'scars' in our life..
{you are my light}