Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Mind against heart
The mind who possess wisdom, holds ideology,
building on foundation.
The heart feeds on emotions, lacks of strategy
and always succumbs to temptation.
The mind's made out of steel, unable to feel.
Whereas the heart,
equipped with the power to heal, believes in the unreal.
Then one day came this pretty girl,
with eyes as beautiful as pearls.
Captivated the mind and captured the heart.
However, as time swirls..
it was apparent the unity would not last,
and soon they both fell apart.
In this dilemma,
The heart says this, the mind says that.
The heart softens,
but the mind hardens.
"It's for your own good", it says.
The heart nods, but yet it sways...
Is it for real when I say a person is only happy when he has ideals and dreams?
Can a person with strong logical reasoning find joy?
Rules are meant to protect you from the unknown.
We abide by the rules, play safe and we're happy.
However, is that really the case??
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
The vicious tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
{you are my light}
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Deadlines! Deadlines!
It's been a long week, a week filled with mixed emotions.
Rested well, worked hard.
Did some revision, had some fun.
I think I'm ready for term 2!
Hao Qi was right. Ultimately, it's the A levels that matter. Failing now doesn't mean you're screwed.
In fact, failing now may be good... One cannot succeed without failing first, for failure is the first step to success.
The only problem is motivation..concentration.. and the determination in which I seriously lack.
She says it best.
"In order to be motivated, one must first know what he is motivated by.
What makes you smile, what makes you happy, what gives you energy, the wind in your step, move closer to it. Because if you are not feeling motivated, it means you are moving too far away from it"
God, I really need faith and strength, I want to peak at the right moment.
I need wisdom, patience..
I need you.
Girl, I read your blog.
All I wanna say is, I'm grateful for your company too. It's amazing how you're able to 'tank' my nonsense when I'm depressed, how you're able to put up with my ugly side. No matter what life throws at me, I'm always able to stand up eventually and your encouragement always makes it easier. You're a prudent girl filled with wisdom, gifted with farsight. I'm sure one day you'll find the courage to snip off that invisible thread tied around your buttons, breaking free from the demons and bondages that weigh you down.
One day, you'll discover that you always possessed the sweetest smile and the most genuine laughter one could ever have. I know you can do it ^^
I will fight alongside with you, to fend off the dark side innate within us.
"For I've fought the good fight
Run the good race
And kept the faith"
-2 Timothy 4:7
{you are my light}
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Taxi driver?
Today, Mr Chng was attempting to 'scare' us by announcing the A level results of the 08 batch and university admission criteria etc..
I learnt that the courses I want to get in, are..
not really easy to enter :O
FASS, economics
or
Real Estate or anything related to Tourism
My goal is clear and simple. But attainable? =(
All of my subjects must have a D grade and above if I want to even dream of having a shot to enter. Right now, I'm miles awayyy..
In accordance to that,
I finally met one of those taxi uncles that actually rants and complains about life.
It's really rare for me, as I don't sit taxis that often and I don't travel much..
So it's my first time experiencing this. =)
I am heavily depressed by his words..
The uncle that drove us was a double degree holder and used to be an operations manager in some company in China.
His gross monthly salary was 10k a month, but sadly for him, his company disintegrated and he was left jobless at the age of 40. He tried to look for jobs, writing in appeal emails.. 50 a day, in hopes of finding someone willing to hire him. Unfortunately, his cries and prayers were left unanswered cuz people found him 'too qualified'.
He then started to rant about the negative aspects about life in Singapore, how it's too stressful, how flawed the govt can be, etc.
I remember this particular quote.
"Degree can throw into rubbish bin la, USELESS! Look at me, degree holder but still driving taxi! 10k a month to 1k a month!"
"Then that day there was this pri 5 boy, keep asking me to drive faster even though heavy traffic. I told him no, then he actually threatened me you know? Threaten to complain eh! I told him immediately, to get off my cab! and go fly your damn kite!! What the HELL!"
Those were his actual words (at least 80% accurate)
It was quite a pity, his words implied that he was well educated, proficient and highly intelligent..
His tone was also very much, sardonic..
and to me,
his 'speech' accentuated a potent slice of realism which struck me really hard..
What's the use of having a degree?
so what if I managed to get into a Uni, get into the desired course of my choice..?
Does it really mean that I'll have a bright future ahead?
What are the odds that I won't end up being a taxi driver, complaining about how life sucks to random strangers because they are so miserable, they have no other outlet to express their sorrow?
=(
Depressing.
But then again, despite that.. There really isn't much of a choice. My dad is still considered jobless, and my mum may lose many job opportunities due to that 'Jack Neo scandal'...
It may be true that my family needs to depend on me soon..
Will I need to juggle studies and work at the same time? =(
Father, give me confidence and renew my strength!
Let me know that hope still exists, let me know that I am well taken care of.. and that I won't end up being miserable, indulging in self pity, degrading myself to a worthless monster..
I know I am loved,
but
Give me a sign..
{you are my light}
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Alice in Wonderland
Every morning, I can think of six impossible things.
...
I must be mad, but then again,
All the best people are.
hahaaha~
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at!"
(oh, did that just rhyme? hahaha)
"We're all mad here."
haha, I think the movie is quite interesting, I never knew how much I missed out when I watched Alice in Wonderland (Disney cartoon version) I always saw it as a super weird film that made no sense. However, as I have grown to take up literature in JC, I've come to realise how superb this classic really is.. The story is really awesome!! I wish I could re-watch again and analyse it in greater detail..
What it means to be really mad, and to be really twisted and weird.
{you are my light}
The One?
So many blows today..
1. Didn't do well for H1 chinese (although I already expected it.. =x)
2. Found out Yong Siang got A instead.. (=.=")
3. Saddened to realise that we could've done a better job at 'The One'..
4. Super shocked to find out that even Daryl, who used to be the definition for 'loser' could get extremely high rank points for A levels..
If I'm more screwed up than the 'screw up', then what does make me?
Sigh..
I feel so demoralized today, as though my heart's empty and just waiting to rot..
But yet,
just like Eunice, I actually am hopeful and deep down I know it's a good thing.
Doesn't make sense?
Well, it doesn't need to. We're freaking Arts students!
I hope next year I'll be able to hold on to my A level cert with pride,
No D or Es, only A, B and Cs!
Anyways,
Thanks to my nice senior Samantha, for cheering me up tonight.
She said she asked Mr Chng before whether he knew her junior and surprisingly his impression of me was a 'highly potential A student, smart + hardworking'
^^
I never knew Mr Chng had such high hopes for me..
that really made my day =D
I guess I won't and can't let him down..
"There is have to have a darkness for the dawn to come"
This is only the beginning..
{you are my light}
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I'm bored..
I agree with the advertisment.
It is indeed hard to notice something one isn't looking for.
Sometimes our focus is placed on the wrong issues, and we miss out the good things that just pass us by without us even knowing..
What A Pity..
{you are my light}
Monday, March 01, 2010
I feel happy/sad/confused/lost/weird..
I finally finished my homework! xD
yay!
I feel like drinking some booze..
Cuz..
Ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates re-uptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-amino butyric acid.
And it makes one go 'high'!
^^
"If you can't decide in one day, you can't decide" -Munich
I loved cuz you loved me first,
and I've decided to love you back for as long as it takes :)
{you are my light}