Friday, May 28, 2010
Countdown: 6 days
HELLO world!!
In less than 24 hours, I'll be carrying my luggages in hopes of returning with satisfaction from shopping in Hongkong! :D
I think I deserve a good break; a getaway from stressful Singaporean lifestyle and indulge in 'retail therapy'! haha
I've always wanted to really experience more in Hongkong.. My previous trip with the CO members was well, disappointing in certain ways, and yet enjoyable in other aspects as well. Really hope this time round I can finally let my hair down and really enjoy myself..
but first, I should really get my ass moving and start packing.. :(
Today, I told someone that she wore a lot of grey clothings and I asked her whether she liked grey. *I was correct, as usual.. ^^
haha, and well, I didn't think as much as her, because I was seriously preoccupied with trying to make her smile and laugh the whole time. I honestly wanted the 'final' memory of us together to be a blissful and positive one. I'm sorry I 'bullied' you on the train, it's just I haven't seen you laugh so hard and smile so brightly for a long time. I'm glad :D
And I do hope my simple 'surprises' have made your day. Simplicity is everything to me, I just want to convey my emotions through simple and clear methods. To me, even a simple trip to a bookshop can mean so much.. Life isn't waiting for happiness to come, it's creating happiness out of nothing.
Admittedly however, today I did feel somewhat rotten during the ice cream treat, when you told me I was so similar to him in behaviours and hobbies, my heart felt weird. You told me you may become afraid to love me.. probably afraid of the past resurfacing once more.. I felt scared at that moment. Faked a smile of course, as I always do.. I didn't want to be a replacement, I want to be someone special, not just someone who qualifies to be a substitute. I know my heart has this slight sting whenever you mention his name, sometimes I'd uncontrollably compare myself with him, just like how you do unintentionally.
''I want to be better than him'', says the heart, despite knowing that it's pointless to even bother comparing. I sometimes even wish I didn't share so many similarities with him, to serve as a constant reminder that 'Sebastian is just like him..'
I'm willing to kick all my hobbies, suppress the similar joys we have in common but I know you'll be strongly against it.
This applies to even the yellow flower guy. It hurts to know you're so worried and troubled but I'm powerless to even do anything to change the situation. I felt like confronting him myself, and if I ever did that, it probably means I'm serious about it. If he's going to pull you into darkness, I will protect you at all costs; I mean what I say.
Sigh, take care okay??
I told her to let go, and have faith that everything'll be fine eventually. Even though I'm still afraid deep down inside, fearful of things happening, paranoid of change.. I guess I have to live by my very own words and lead by example.
and so, I will. :D
that simple!
Starting tomorrow, I shall breathe again, come back new! *probably fatter*
So God, help us here. Let everything be alright..
May the light shine even in darkness, always. (:
haha!
Countdown: 6 days.
{you are my light}