take all of me:

Sebastian

Call me crazy,
Call me mad.
Call me whatever,
I don't really care
This is my paradise,
this is my voice
And if you're kind,
don't deprive me of my choice
I need to express,
so please don't make me suppress
There's always this little red cross
at the top of your screen
Do feel free to click it if you think I'm mean
Because honestly, this is me
And I am free
To do whatever I wish! :D

You were warned.. :P

CONVERSATION

EXITS

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anqi
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chanping
cher
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foo hou
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ona
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zi keng
602 04'
jipabun
MSHS hu dept
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archives

Sunday, June 27, 2010

隐形的翅膀-张韶涵

每一次都在徘徊孤单中坚强
每一次就算很受伤也不闪泪光
我知道我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞飞过绝望

不去想他们拥有美丽的太阳
我看见每天的夕阳也会有变化
我知道我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞给我希望

我终於看到所有梦想都开花
追逐的年轻歌声多嘹亮

我终於翱翔用心凝望不害怕
哪里会有风就飞多远吧

隐形的翅膀让梦恒久比天长
留一个愿望让自己想像

人如果失去了信心，还能算活着吗？

我要自由地飞，
在爱中不惧怕，
在爱中无伤悲
上帝啊，求你加添我力量和智慧，
把所有不属神的心思意念完全的除掉，
好让我能够带着一颗充满盼望的心态
来面对明天的考试。
不慌张，也不害怕。
因为有你在，万事都可能！

Let me believe in the unseen again; to believe in the intangible, not the tangible.
And let it start tomorrow.
I must have faith!!

{you are my light}

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Don't quit!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must but do not quit!

Success is failure inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit!

When life gets tougher, you try harder!
When you try harder, you grow stronger!

{you are my light}

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Dinner at Timbre's!!

Really had a great night!
I'm lazy to type out and besides, I think pictures mean more than words right? haha

Statue with nicely carved penis 'peeing' on me

Ethel asked me to act retarded like the statue.. -.-

Wanted to take a pic with me pinching his nipples but they were too small to be captured on film, so i just pointed at his thing, which is bigger, but well.. *still smaller than mine?* xD

Played truth or dare, and I was dared to hump every pillar three times.. T_T

Haha but at least mine wasn't as bad as yan ming's..

Great night spent with my close friends ;D

more pics on fb!

Anyways, this is for you.

Just so you know, I haven't felt so 'exposed' to someone for a very very long time. Don't get me wrong, I meant it as something positive. My girl knows how my house looks like now, and has sat on the spot I'm sitting now, lied on my bed, and even touched my drums. It's a huge step for me. I'm the kind of guy that likes to enjoy some degree of privacy, not cause I'm afraid, but perhaps a tad uncomfortable when people know too much about me.. I always have this hidden danger alert that is able to pick up signs and signals when people know too much about me. I don't like the feeling of being analysed and observed while I on the other hand, lack the information regarding the other party. I like it when I can read another person, when I have the 'upper hand' beacause I feel safe that way..

But somehow, I don't feel that way with you. At least the magnitude of the uncomfortable feeling is drastically reduced.. I'm actually more willing to show more stuff about me to you.. I actually want to let you know more about me, which is really unusual of me. I think my logic is failing me, and all I'm hearing is my heartbeat.. My heart that is beating for you..

I'm glad you've had a slight chance to met my family? haha at least you've met 3 of my family members.. You know my mum said I wasn't myself when you left the car. Why? Because I was unusually hyper and rarely so joyful. Says a lot doesn't it? haha
It's supposed to be scary that you are knowing more and more about me each day.. But somehow I feel a little more safer with you as the days go by.. :)

Weird...

anyways, i should go sleep and rest now... My nose killing me!!!

Had the flu for the entire day, simply because I decided to go *****less in an air con room after ****ing and my whole body was ***! =x

oops!

{you are my light}

Monday, June 14, 2010

what a long week...

It's been a really tiring week, a week full of fun and adventure. A week full of learning and mixed emotions, a week full of questions and answers. Church camp then a two day one night retreat to Resort World Sentosa with dear, and til now it feels like everything was just a dream.

"Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

I never realised the biblical concept of 'one big family' the movie lilo and stitch was trying to convey..
Regardless of all shapes and sizes, characters and personalities.. We have to love everything that God creates. We are all one big family, and we should all love one another.

God blesses those who are honest and live out their faith in the name of Christ.

During the camp, I learnt that in life, challenges will always be present and in some point, we have to pick up our mat and move on with life. I learnt a lot in camp, and I learnt that by helping others we often receive more than those we help.

'Putting others above yourself. That was what I didn't like about you then.. Now it's out.'

I felt a werid sting in my heart when you said that.. Because I wanted to be a person like that.. a person that always puts others above myself, a person that loves others selflessly without any consideration to his own self. But then, I realised you're right. I am changing, I don't know whether it's for the worse or for the better.. Whether I was the one turning into someone selfish, only thinking about how to please your mother, how to look good and presentable.. I felt like I lost a part of myself in the process.. :(

Then you said you actually were mentally prepared to give up and break up.. It made me worry because when someone's mentally prepared to break up, then subconciously you'll likely to make it happen.. I really don't want that and I'm not even prepared to give you up.. I don't even know what I'll do without you..

I'm not sure if everything's really alright and that I'm thinking too much. I don't know what you need is personal space or my attention and presence? I want to be there for you, and I'm trying hard.. I will keep on trying.. I guessed I must have disappointed you in so many ways possible throughout the whole trip, and I'm so sorry.. I failed to make you happy during the USS visit, I failed to stay up all night with you like we promised. I failed to ease tensions and make you feel comfortable. It feels like you and your mum are the ones taking care of me instead.. And I feel so guilty, because I know I can do better than this. I can be someone you are proud of, just like in the past..

"I think you and i have so much that we dont know about each other. Yet we are going so fast. It ain't right."

Maybe you didn't know but that pierced my heart.. It hurt because it sounded like what a defeatist would say, it doesnt sound like the Eunice I know. If it isn't right.. Why accept me in the first place, why let it all start? I didn't mind getting rejected because I just wanted a reason to love you. I didn't care what happened to me, all I wanted was to give you joy and make you smile. And I guess my happiness mattered to you as well?

I'm guessing you're feeling insecure after everything. I want to tell you this. I'm still the same old Sebastian, the goofy silly boy. I am still me and I didn't change inside. I'm going to love you more after all of this because I know a little more about you and your life with each passing day, and it's going to bring me closer to you eventually. It's an adventure, and I wonder if you're still game and willing to take my hand and embark on this journey together with me? Regardless of the end product, will you walk with me? :)

{you are my light}

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Excellence versus perfectionism

Sometimes I wished people could see the effort, rather than results. In this pragmatic society, I wonder whether one day teachers would give students A grades for their efforts and hard work rather than the quality produced. Effort doesn't equate to results in this cruel world..

I think in everyone of us, there's an artist inside who wants so much to blossom and flourish, to be able to grow, and to be given a chance to express. In the bible, Ephesians 4.32 tells us to be "kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." It seems that I haven't applied this great verse to the artist inside of me. The perfectionist is not kind to the artist inside, constantly criticizing the artist and always setting unrealistically high expectations and only sees the negative. It appears that I haven't been kind to the artist in me.
Many of us artists are feelers. We relate to the world around us based on our feelings, but that's dangerous because our feelings change. However, the worst thing you could do to those of us with artistic temperaments is to tell us to ignore our feelings! We can't ignore our feelings. For my case, those feelings are too strong, too real to ignore. What influences our feelings most, though, is what we believe in our minds. Sadly though, making the connection between the brain and the heart is not always easy.

so just this once, give me time and grace?
I'm not perfect.

Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time
doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright

And you can’t change me, you can't.

Because only I can change myself..

How many times have you asked me whether I can ever play the cello that good, when can I ever reach the standards of those drummers?
How many times have you asked me why can't I sleep on time, wake up on time like normal people?
How many times have you told me how I should live my life?

instead of
telling me that You're proud to see me play the cello and drums, even though I suck badly
instead of
asking how I feel when I have insomnia, asking what's troubling me..
instead of
trying to find out more about my current lifestyle rather than changing it forcefully..

I'm tired..
And you tell me that I shouldn't be so tired; I'm not acting like my age that I should be fit and not so weak..
Why don't you try asking me why I'm tired, for a change.
How's that?

Yeah, didn't think so either.

{you are my light}