Monday, August 18, 2008
time to get to work
God, help me..
I know the prelims are only a week later,
I know that 10th oct is officially my last day of school,
I know that I am not going to do well at this rate and I'm running out of time.
Yet, despite knowing this, I still struggle to stay focused..
I know I made a mistake in falling in love,
I know I was stupid and blinded..
But please, Have mercy on my heart and soul...
It's too late to study now, It's too late to regret..
I may have invested in the wrong person emotionally
but is my O level results really the price to pay?
Do I really have to sacrifice my bright future for her?
I thought I was doing fine... But it gets harder day by day.. ..
I can't control it.. I don't know how to stop a feeling.. It's still there.. even after so long. I don't understand, I just don't get it.. I've already accepted the fact she's gone
so why.. ..?
and I'm trying so damn hard, I'd wish I was dead.. I wish I could go home, to heaven where there's no such thing as pain..
It's so exhausting, this continual mental reasoning is affecting me so much.
She left me at such a perfect time, despite the promise of not going to break my heart ever again, at least for the year..
she took my happiness and stole my heart.
So Lord, have mercy on me.. I don't want this.
I don't want to be a slave to misery
I want to be strong, I don't want to be the object of her ridicule and I refuse to give in..
Life isn't worth living without
no 1. happiness
no 2. a purpose
God, I need a purpose in life.. Please let me find a purpose before I totally destroy my life..
sigh..
Tell me I'm still special, tell me I'm still loved and valued.
Tell me you're proud of me, tell me I've done a good job
-cos your child is suffering in silence and in vain every passing day
would you lift me up and take away all that pain because it still can hurt me...
that hole in my heart is still dealing damage, when I thought it's not..
:')
I will fight the darkness for the remaining 8 weeks.. to finish the race against time.
{you are my light}