Thursday, August 20, 2009
Dear Norman
Does my ability to sense demons and devils scare you?
Does the truth about the constant betrayal I experienced entice you to "pitying me"?
Does my parochial language, narrow view of life, regressive and pessimistic emotions surprise you?
Does my 'fake smile' deceive you?
Has the injustice of my past made me 'vindictive'?
Is my heart, 'cheated of deformity'?
What is it I seek?
...When will my "dawn" arrive?
OK, enough dramatic monologue
I think yesterday's analysis of me made me little 'cranky'.
I feel like doing more further analysis on myself..
Basically, I feel that I'm a template person but yet, very complex as well.
I dislike rules to the core, but ironically, I find them highly necessary in our lives.
I always strive to break as many rules possible, whenever opportunity presents itself, cuz I love it. However, I still feel that we all need rules to survive..
Rules offer stability and order in our lives. If we all were to break every single rule, doing what we like to do, and not what may be good for us, it will lead to our doom eventually.
None can escape the inevitable fact that what we like, may not be what is good for us.
As I explore myself deeper, into the depths of the unknown,
On a conquest with a blurred aim, an unclear motive.
It feels like diving.
My path has lost direction, my confidence has abandoned me
The clouds above move closer, looking so dissatisfied..
The ground grew colder,
But the heartless wind kept blowing.. kept blowing..
God,
"Thy word is a lamp onto my feet and a light unto my path.."
I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to your side,
And I will love you to the end.
{you are my light}